The End.

Final chapter in the story that is my 16 year old life......
should i really change??
can i really change??
only time will tell...

for now... a blurry of emotions ensue.....
i know my friends have been worried for me (those who suspect something is up...) but there really is not much i can do about it...
i want to say dont worry, and i really do wish that no one worries about me... mostly because im just not that important in the grand scheme of things anyways..... but also because there really is no point... i try so hard... but... it always ends up the same...
regardless... those who worry, dont... and those who are oblivious, it is better this way... n'est pas?

perhaps a repeat of my 21st birthday will occur again... at least this time... .... no one will be around to see??

anyways..... the reason why im not going to post here is completely different from what i am writing... but i cant help but let feelings of one thing flow into the other.... so perhaps later on i will share with you why i decide no longer to post here... (it should be quite funny) but... yeah...

ask me for my new blog if you care to read...

Goodbye.

Stressed

Offical start of work (yet again... this time, taking on full responsibilities of my job) and the 1st emotion that i feel is stressed.... i always have this feeling that i cant/wont be able to do what is expected of me, and always it turns out fine but this time... i have a feeling that i might have bitten off more than i could chew.... why? well mostly cuz the training on the system & the actual work being done has this big ass gap... i cant draw the linkage yet so even though i "learend" how to use the system, i dont really "know" how to use the system... and it doesnt really help the fact that they say oh to do this job you need to do this this and this, but doesnt eactly show me how to do it... .:S i usually learn at a pretty quick rate, but somehow this time i just feel overwhelmed..

mebbe perhaps its not because i already have trouble doing my own job, but also cuz im assigned this project that's also due at the end of the week.... :S sigh..... i dunno, im trying my best but there just isnt enough time in the day to get everything done, especially when it will take me all this extra time to familiar myself with all these things.... :S and my trainer is always busy doing her own stuff so i its not like i can just have her hover over me so i can fire off questions whenever i want (which is the best way for me to learn)... oy... im guessing why there hasnt been any returning coop students is partly cuz of this.... there's no learning curve! its like bam okay here's all you have to do... just do it... :S (& then realize that you dont have access to the important systems that you have to use, therefore slowing down your productivity to 0 while deadlines are rushing in...)

anyways, if i crack soon, you'll know why.... bleh, i already feel that i am starting to become short tempered again :S which isnt good at all... oy... need to just calm down & relax.... (if i can find the time :( )

glad yammers called today.... helped me put off all the troubles of work for 5 mins.... and gave me a so needed boast in serotonin....

sigh... oh well.. life goes on i guess....